Beating Anorexia...

Today was my birthday. I pulled my birthday info from both Facebook and MySpace to see how many people would actually remember. My dad started the day by waking me up with a phone call at 6:15 AM. Dick. My brother sent me a text next, then two buddies, then my uncle and then another friend. After I got home from work, my mother called and then a great aunt called because she was unable to mail me a card. I called both my grandmothers last night to thank them for their cards and money.

I am entirely guilty of not being able to remember some of my close friends' birthdays and relying on Facebook or a similar service to remind me. Some of my friends' birthdays stick and some I'm not even sure about the month.

I don't fault anybody for not remembering my birthday. In fact, I preferred it. I went the entire day at work without hearing, "Happy birthday," from somebody that didn't really care or mean it. I went the whole day without having goofy gifts or a cake bestowed upon me. I hope all the rest of my birthdays are like this. I could do with even less phone calls, though.

If I had an ideal birthday now that I'm past the age of 21, it'd go like today. It stayed quiet at work, not a lot of people bugged me with birthday wishes and I didn't receive any useless gifts. The only gift I've received has been money, which is the best gift of all. There will be no argument about this. Oh, I nearly forgot. I received two other gifts.

As I was walking up the stairs to my apartment, I noticed a piece of paper attached to my door. I looked through the stairs to see that my neighbor below did not have a similar piece of paper. Upon seeing this, I began to worry. A lot. I may or may not have had a run in with Johnny Law a bit ago at 5:30 AM at an apartment that wasn't quite mine but was very close to mine. Allegedly. I didn't know if anything would happen because of this incident and as I walked closer and closer to the door, step by step, the only thought that ran through my mind was, "Please don't be an eviction notice, please don't be an eviction notice." I already had the key to my apartment in my hand so I grabbed the letter and went inside. It's best not to be in public if there's a chance you could freak out. I opened the letter and the top of it said "Ten Day Notice To Comply Or Vacate." I was just looking for important words like eviction and I saw vacate and about shit my pants. Then I read the letter thoroughly and came to the conclusion that it was just a warning. I checked with the office to make sure. The beautiful lady at the office took the letter, frowned a bit and told me, "Happy birthday." We then had a quick and covert discussion (one guy was there when I walked in and another walked in during the discussion) and she confirmed the warning aspect of it.

I walked back to my apartment and listened to a podcast and watched a documentary. I received two phone calls during this, as previously mentioned. I was thinking about the bullet I dodged most of the afternoon and how much I really do not want to get evicted from here. Sure, I could have not done that shit in the first place, but how fun would that be? I had an absolute blast that night. I was just checking on some things on the 'net and found out that I received another gift.

Shawn Marion is going to be a Dallas Maverick (my team) and Deavan George is not. I'm roughly 20,000 times happier about the second part of that than the first, but I'm excited about Marion on the Mavs.

So there you have it. A birthday that I hoped to just be normal that was rather close to normal. A normal day that I will probably never forget.

Labels: happy birthday to me, i hate this town but i love my apartment

I recently changed my insurance policy over to my new residence and put in completely in my name. It was under my name but the address was back home and all my family was on the policy. There's only one reason I waited this long to change it over - my DUI happened at the end of April 2006. Fast forward to June 2009 when I'm getting the policy in my name as well as renter's insurance, just in case some fucks started a fire in my apartment complex (there's already been one fire in one of the complexes here this summer).

I've been living here, in Washington, for over a year now. It was probably a bit overdue that I change all of this, but I was waiting until May 2009 rolled around because things come off your driving record after 3 years. I was on "probation" from my insurance company because my agent vouched to me to his district office on the condition that I stayed ticket-free for 3 years. To this day, I've never even been pulled over. Ever.

Those three years came and went and I figured I should follow the rules and be even more of an upstanding citizen. I got this new policy under my name, and my name only, and a renter's insurance policy as well. I checked the mail today expecting some Blu-Rays from Amazon. I got a dental bill (over $200, yippee fucking doo-dah) and a letter from my insurance company. I was wondering just what the fuck it was since it was a rather thin letter and I've had a few from them in the past few days with policy details and what not. I open it up and see the words "Date of Cancellation". Well fuck me right up the ass. I read the whole thing and they're yanking my insurance because of my DUI and accident from over 3 years ago, even though I have all the points on my license and have no other traffic record. I hit a deer once, but my dad popped out the dent and we never reported it. The deer was completely fine - I was just coming back from hunting and made sure it wasn't hurt but couldn't even find the goddamn thing.

So on Monday, during work, I have to go to the insurance office and plead my case. I better not have to go fucking back on a "probationary" period again. The deal was one ticket and my insurance was fucking dropped. It never happened over 3 years. I've showed loyalty by going right back to them by getting this policy in my name. They better show me some fucking loyalty now.

So, the lesson is don't drink and drive. Why? Because it will NEVER leave you. I could cure fucking cancer, but if my name came up so would the fact that I had a DUI. So I'm doing what any good red-blooded American would. Getting drunk by myself and listening to country music. But no driving. I learned that lesson the hard way. Fucking fuck. I wish I was a decade before I was.

Labels: bitching and moaning, i hate insurance, rage

There are two states in that nation that keep fucking things up over and over and over again. They also have the most people in them. Coincidence? No, people are fucking stupid. That's right, I'm looking at you California and Texas. You cunt-waffles.

I'm starting with Texas. I can't take credit for this thought because it was from my buddy in the Air Force that happens to live in west Texas:

I figured out how to get rid of the national debt - sell Texas back to Mexico. There's nothing here and everybody already speaks Mexican. Put it on your blog.

Done and done. The state is full of insufferable self-aggrandizing assholes that think they're tougher than they really are. And shit like this happens there. Seriously. It's also composed of a whole different breed of conservative bible-thumping rednecks that feel the need to drive shiny new pickup trucks, with aluminum rims and no specks of dirt, as much as possible. The only city I'd like to visit in Texas is Austin because it just doesn't seem like it belongs in Texas. That and it seems like a great geographical location to "accidentally" leave a nuclear weapon at that may or may not be hooked up to a timer. Between my buddy and myself, that's all that needs to be said about Texas.

Now on to the black hole of a state that is California. Remember the energy crisis the state had a few years ago? Do you know why that is? Because the state couldn't get enough power for the population. It's a fucking energy sync. It's also a money sync. Why? Because earlier this year, their state government was putting a freeze on state tax refund checks back to its citizens. They couldn't even cover all the people they had been fucking over on taxes. A state that ranked 20th out of 50 in 2005 on per capita tax (here) which is above the national average. Don't forget this is a state that recalled its governor and had a gubernatorial race that resembled a shitty reality TV series. Bill Hicks, quite possible my favorite comedian, used to talk about Arizona Bay. That would be when Los Angeles falls in the ocean. I'm expanding it to the entire fucking piece of shit state. I can't wait to have a crack at buying some oceanfront property in Arizona. I'll be first in line.

Labels: fuck these states right in the pants, rage, while i'm at it fuck you too

I don't remember the date of that fateful night, but I remember the details about it very well. I had reached the age where my mother thought it would be appropriate for me to go to midnight mass. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, it's Catholic mass at midnight. Unless they decide it'll be at 10 PM or 11 PM. That has also happened, but I digress.

I was all jazzed about going to midnight mass because I have never gone to it before and when your little, doing anything at midnight makes it that much cooler. If you want to impress a little kid, finish any activity with "at midnight" and the the kid will shit its pants. On second thought, don't do that.

Well, I go to midnight mass and it's, as near as I can tell, precisely the same as all the other masses. Drats, I've been foiled again! Why have you forsaken me, my little pea-brain? Why? If this limited edition mass wasn't worthwhile, no mass would ever be worthwhile.

Well, after being disappointed because there wasn't laser tag or some sort of RC car race, I went home with my mother. We had to stop at my neighbor's house and go into the basement to pick up some presents for underneath the tree. I was asked to help, and I did. I also looked at the presents and HOLY CRAP! They were from Santa! In my neighbor's basement! With my mother's handwriting!

Rest in peace, Santa.

Labels: depressing, Merry Christmas

I'm writing this right around the change from Christmas Eve to Christmas Day. Why? I've been slacking. Big time.

I had to shovel snow for the first time in at least a year, if not two or three. Let me tell you this: the people that design snow shovels are a bunch of humorless three-feet-tall assholes that live in Florida. It took me roughly one minute to design one in my head that wouldn't absolutely destroy the back of anybody tall enough not to be a fucking elf. You fucking pricks, I know it's all one big conspiracy because there's never been one snow shovel that was actually worth a shit and somewhat comfortable.

Tomorrow, I may or may not receive a gift. Do I care? Absolutely fucking not. Did I buy any gifts for anybody? Absolutely fucking not. Ever get a gift that you had no need for? "Hmm, maybe I can wipe my ass with this if I run out of toilet paper." Ever get a gift that was something you had been thinking about getting yourself, only it's a much different model than the one you wanted. Possibly, the only model that you decided on not buying. Yeah, fuck that shit. Straight cash, homey. That's all you need to do. Gift cards are just a cop-out between cash and a worthless gift. Here's some money but you can only use it HERE. Well, listen, they don't sell blind midget porn at Best Buy. I've looked.

If you are going to get a gift for somebody, I suggest knowing exactly what the fuck they want. Go to a store with them and have them point at it. "I want that one, RIGHT FUCKING THERE. No, the big-ass one with stainless. Yeah, that one." Hard to fuck that up, unless you're shopping for a woman.

There seems to be one redeeming thing about the holiday season. Drinking is either encouraged or overlooked.

Also, being on paid vacation is nice.

I did buy one present for my favorite person - myself. Big-ass TV. Yeah boy. I cannot wait to go back home and just stare at that thing for hours. Planet Earth on Blu-Ray...I need to get some new shorts now.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fucking night.

Labels: egg nog blows, Merry Christmas, rational gift-giving

Will be the Cat-Griz game, also known as Brawl of the Wild. What this means is a lot of drinking will be going on while people yell obscenities to each other. I have been on call all week. Here's all you need to know:

I wore my MSU hoodie to work this week a few times and I was stopped by a man who went to school at Missoula. He was delivering packages at Fed-Ex. That is all.

P.S. I'm going to try to get to a bar this weekend to watch the game if I can get off from work. It may not end well.

Labels: eat shit grizzlies GO CATS GO

If you saw the San Diego/Denver game this weekend, you may feel that San Diego was screwed over by the men in stripes. You would certainly have a valid argument with that point. However, there is more than one way to look at this.

Let me take you back to last year. Mike Shanahan made a habit out of calling timeouts just a fraction of a second before a field goal was kicked. Sometimes this worked out for the Denver Broncos. Other times, it did not. The league then instituted a rule to fix this.

There's been a major issue with the NFL for a while now - namely that a play was ruled dead once that the whistle has been blown. As was shown in the game today, this rule is foolish and needs to go. Simply put, the Broncos are a team that is getting the NFL rulebook changed by exploiting various rules until they are fixed for the betterment of the league.

Also, Shanahan's decision to go for two was partially insane but it made a lot of sense with that game. The line was drawn in the sand for the ballgame. No matter how many times the officials had fleeced San Diego on calls (twice), it all came down to a two-point conversion. San Diego couldn't stop the conversion and missed their chance at redemption.

Labels: Denver Broncos, just a touch of sarcasm, San Diego Chargers, Shanny tried to kill me

I ride my bicycle on the weekend and to work every day that I can. Some days a fucking tire is flat. Some days I have errands to run in the morning. However, I do my best to ride to work every day. Sometimes All the time I have odd thoughts while on my bike.

Sometimes in movies, you may notice that an actress has hard nipples. Sometimes it seems purely accidental and sometimes it like it goes along very well with the story. Three things: 1). Are "erect nipples" written right into the script"? 2). Is there a person that takes care of getting the nipples hard if they're needed? 3). May I have that job?

Riding a bike is an activity that most people know how to do. Holy shit, an actual segue. I even started this off by talking about riding a bike. Fuck me! Where am I going next? Oh, right here. We, as a country, do not use the death penalty properly. First of all, any state that has outlawed it is fucking worthless and should be removed from the Union. No questions asked. Executions should be far more frequent and infinitely more entertaining. Second of all, game shows are becoming ridiculously popular to the point that I'm waiting to see one of the main networks promoting Knifey, Spoony. So, I have a solution for both. A game show where a convict tries to ride a bicycle across a series of beams suspended 200 feet in the air. Below them is a giant pit of spikes. If they fall off, the execution is incredibly entertaining. We have super slo mo now with high def. If they convicts can make it to the other side, they have a shot at freedom. By which I mean, they will be under heavy sniper fire. If they can escape, they're free. Sounds good to me.

Here's one more thing. The people that have been in power for the past twenty years have fucked up far worse than any other generation. Look at how fucking insane we've gotten as a society with our political correctness and all of the euphemistic bullshit. Now people are popular and admired for saying obscene and vulgar things with no substance behind them. Shit, that's ALL I do. All because the baby boomers have fucked this country up beyond recognition. Hopefully, all of this foolishness can stop. You can shit in one and and hope in the other and see what fills up first. I already know that you'd end up with a brown hand (hopefully - I'm in no position to judge your bowel movements). This country, including all of you, have become incredibly pussified. College football is getting closer and closer to tee-ball for kids where no score is kept and everybody is a winner. Hell, there's even a kid who's too good of a pitcher to play Little League so they've banned him from the league. It was because he was pitching so well that the other children who's parents live vicariously through them and constantly place such high expectations and pressure on them were having an extremely difficult time hitting. Seriously.

So here's my challenge for you: get the bicycle balance beam of death show on the air, find me the nipple rubbing job and stop being a fucking pussy-ass bitch.

Labels: dead serious

Ahhh nawwww. You weren't expecting me to get serious for a while and talk politics, were you? Well good because I'm going to break it down my way.

This November we have a small election going on. Maybe you've heard about it. Something about a "President"? I think it's a Latvian word, but bear with me for a bit. The talking heads on my truthbox (that's a TV to you fuckwads) keep talking about it, so it must be important.

I have been known to say that I would decide on who I was voting for once the VP candidates were announced. Well they have been. I would love to bump uglies with one of the candidates and that Palin lady from Alaska isn't too shabby herself. But seriously, the picks are in so I'm going to try to break things down for you. Vote for me. I'll at least tell you that your money is going straight to my pocket!

And for the record, I borrowed this picture from here. It's far too fucking brilliant not to give props to.

On the Democratic side of things, we have Barack Obama and Joe Biden. Obama has been promising change. Having a young, (partially) black man in the office certainly would be a huge change. He's talking about bucking the system and doing what is right. He is a charismatic person and an incredible speaker. Honesty is also another characteristic that Obama contains. You're still looking at the politician feeling up Lady Justice, aren't you? Me too. If you want proof of Obama's honestly, look no further than his book. He has no problem talking about past experiences with drugs. (You see that you fucking douchebag, Billy-boy Clinton? You fucking inhaled, dickwad).

Obama's main criticism is lack of experience. Cuntface Hillary Clinton kept eating babies saying over and over that she could run laps around Barack when it came to experience. I was never sure what fucking experience she was talking about, but that bitch fucking lost. Suck it down, bitch. Suck it long and suck it hard.

Sorry, I blacked out there for a while and now there's a hobo's head in my fireplace. Pretend you never read that.

Obama has been talking about not carrying on with politics of old. Then he picks a man as his VP that has 35 years experience as a politician. This man, Joe Biden, is not a maverick politician. This confuses me slightly. I know what the reason was for (to bolster the Democratic ticket's foreign experience and overall experience), but a move like this makes me question his conviction.

On the Republican side of things, we have John McCain and Sarah Palin. John McCain remembers when Jesus was elected (there's your old joke, fuckers). Now, if you know me you know that I liked McCain when he ran for President in 2000. I liked the Straight Talk Express (if you laugh, I'll fucking bury you in my courtyard) but realized that nobody that actually embraced that sort of political strategy had much of a fucking chance. McCain is a maverick politician (which I like), but he has also softened over the last few years. If he hadn't, we wouldn't be talking about him right now. So his convictions can be questioned a bit here.

If you haven't heard, McCain was in a war. The Hundred Years' War, I think (which spanned 116 years). He is may be considered a warhawk and is committed to our current situation. Some people find this bad (hippies). I'm a bit more destruction-minded than I should be. I can't help it. Guns are fucking awesome. I struggle between peace and war in my mind on a daily basis. Obama claims that McCain is out of touch with the current situation. Truthfully, from listening to all of these debates and pundits, everybody is fucking out of touch.

Sarah Palin is McCain's VP. She's from Alaska and has very little political experience. She has no problems taking on oil and that's about the only thing really driving Alaska's economy. Oil (this covers all petroleum products) first and fishing much, much later. She is a maverick politician, which I like. Being kind of sexy doesn't hurt anything, either.

Here's why I like Obama: He wants to move away from the past politics and do what is right for the nation.

Here's why I like McCain: He isn't afraid to tell people to fuck off.

Here's what scares me about Obama: To gain the office, he's had to deal with old (and fucking sleazy) politicians. He also hasn't taken many firm stances on the important issues. The most important issue for me is gun control. Obama talks about leaving the hunters alone, but he stays away from handgun talk. I intend on buying more handguns because they're absolutely fucking sweet.

Here's what scares me about McCain: He has a mercurial temper and we could be bombing a country that we shouldn't. (If we bomb the shit out of France, it's a country that we should). We also could end up in another "conflict" over the next few years.

Now this year, you can vote for one ticket and you will be voting for one person with little or no experience, one person with plenty of experience and a historical nomination. The same thing happens if you vote for the other ticket.

If you're a white male, you have the opportunity to vote in such a manner that you can provide proof (only if you want it to) so that you may no longer be considered racist or sexist. Your vote only allows for one of these to happen. Which is going to be?

Here's my pick:

Labels: go Nuge, if you don't like it stop fucking reading it, politics

Yes, I'm talking about baseball. Now I can only speak to what happened as of the evening of August 23, 2008 since I cannot accurately predict the future. If I could, I'd be rich enough to hire some illegal immigrants to blog for me. Unfortunately, you're getting a lazy American's work. The purpose of this post is to decide if playoff baseball will even be worth watching this year, since my beloved Marlins (most likely) will not be in the playoffs and the teams that evoke most of my rage may not be involved. One will (probably) not be involved - that being the Yankees. As of right now, the Red Sox are in first place in the wild card.

Why am I talking about baseball? Simple. The playoff picture is starting to shape up and it's worth examining. Let's examine things on a division by division basis, starting with the NL. *Please note that I have been drinking tonight.*

NL West

Arizona Diamondbacks - 3 game lead
The last two roommates that I've had are Diamondback fans. They also beat the Yankees in the playoffs once. Otherwise, they're a Switzerlandesque team to me. No big deal.

NL Central

Chicago Cubs - 4.5 game lead
What can I say about the Cubbies? Will they finally shed the "cursed" status that Boston and the other Chicago team has this decade? Or will they blow it in the playoffs this year? I fear that if they do win it all, their fan base will resemble the Red Sox nation and their collective asshole-ishness. Next thing you know, it'll be the Red Sox and the Cubs on all the time on ESPN. Lord, I hope not.

NL East

New York Mets - 1.5 game lead (6 over my Marlins)

Listen, you fucking pricks. You had an epic collapse last year. You better do it again this year so last year's team doesn't feel so bad. Wouldn't want to hurt any of the players on that team's feelings, you know. So do what you normally do and collectively attempt to swallow Mr. Met whole.

NL Wildcard

Milwaukee - 3.5 game lead

Land of shitty beer, fat people and more fat people. Sounds like my kind of place! Actually, this may be the only team in the NL that I would be able to actually root for.

AL West

LA Angels - 15.5 game lead

Yeah, the Angels have this one wrapped up. They're really good, but I have a principle of not rooting for anything from California. Sorry. And just because I now live in the state of Washington, the Mariners are fucking terrible 31 games out of first place. I, myself, am only 36 games out.

AL Central

Minnesota Twins - 0.5 game lead

For many years, I have joked that the Twins were simple a minor league club for any of the big market teams in the majors. They develop tremendous talent, but when it comes contract time that talent goes walking right out the door. Plus, I have a couple good friends that root for the Twins, so fuck that team.

AL East

Tampa Bay Rays - 5.5 game lead

You may say that this entire post was a convoluted way of typing "Tampa Bay Rays - 5.5 game lead". You might be right. It warms my heart not to see the Yankees or the Red Sox in first. Actually, that might be the whisky. This might be the team that I throw my temporary support behind.

AL Wildcard

Boston - 0.5 game lead

The one team currently in the lead that I just can't bring myself to root for. The only time I can root for the Red Sox was against the Yankees, but times have changed. Now I just root for a terrorist attack when those two teams meet.

Who I May Be Rooting For In The NL

Milwaukee Brewers

I'm mostly German so beer and sausage are actually my bread and butter. Milwaukee knows where it's at in that regard.

Who I May Be Rooting For In The AL

Tampa Bay Rays

While I am sad that they dropped the "Devil" out of their name, I am not sad that they are typically a perennial shitty team and they are well ahead of the Red Sox and the Yankees.

What I'll Actually Be Doing During The Playoffs

I will be catching the games on TV during the week and then watching football on Saturday and Sunday. Have a problem with that? Oh, and if I had to pick between the Rays and the Brewers, I'd go with the Brewers. Watching two lardasses play for Milwaukee makes me day. C.C. and Prince are among the largest in the league.

Labels: football will be here soon, MLB playoffs preview

That would be me. I have been depriving you magnificent bastards of words that you never intended on reading. That's right, it's customer appreciation day here at Beating Anorexia... Except customers, you know, actually pay for things. The only thing that I am "paid" with is a complaint that I don't post enough. Well maybe I have super villains to defeat. That shit doesn't just happen in an instant.

So I'm going to keep fighting the good fight and posting goofy-ass blogs that garner no replies. Every once in a while I get a head shake in disgust from people, but there's no proof that it's strictly from this blog. Also, there will be actual sports being played in few weeks. None of this non-playoff baseball bullshit. 162 games huh? Well, fuck that. For me, the MLB just keeps the seat warm between the NBA and NFL season. The NBA just tides me over from the NFL season, but I actually enjoy the NBA. I think it's because it's not one hundred and sixty-two excruciatingly boring games.

That being said, if you don't watch football and like me, there's no way in fuck that I like you. It's either football or the bricks, kid. Even if you don't like me (this applies to 100% of the people I know) and you don't like football we just can't be friends. That's it. Football is proof that God wanted us to beat the holy fuck out of each other. Fact.

I'm going to get some rest now and sleep in tomorrow. I don't have to fucking work tomorrow and my only responsibility is to not choke on my drool tonight. Peace, you gangrene-ridden cock-gobblers.

Labels: no idea what the fuck just happened, pictures again

For the first time since late May, I will be returning to my home state. Not only that, but I will be returning to my hometown. That's fucking right, bitches. I'm coming home. On the train.

I've been racking my brain to think of luscious breasts things to do while on the train. So far I have come up with taking two mp3 players so I have plenty of music to listen to and battery life to last. I also plan on a seriously unhealthy amount of masturbation reading books. Hopefully it will be books and not just a book. If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or get a hold of me. I've already taken a few.

I recently got a library card so I'll take suggestions even after this trip. It's also completely fine to carry on alcohol with you and I have a giant bottle of John Dewar's and also a giant bottle of Knob Creek. I plan on passing out in the aisle, sans pants sipping on that and maybe partaking in incomprehensible mumbling a conversation full of witty banter.

Either way, it's going to be great to return home. I'm all growed up, or so I should be. I also miss shooting things, which isn't nearly as fucking easy as it is in Eastern Montana. Don't think I've forgotten how filthy of a cumbucket you are western Montana. Slut.

Maybe I'll see some of you. I probably won't see most of you. You know, those fucking bushes outside your window do a good job of obstructing my view.

Labels: going home HOORAY, long train trip a comin', the crossed out stuff is probably closer, washington is kind of gay

Today is my birthday. I am now twenty-two years old. Big fucking deal. Growing up sucks. The Fourth of July has always been my favorite holiday for two reasons:

1). I got to blow shit up for an entire day.

2). My birthday was four days later.

This year, I didn't do anything for the Fourth. I actually went to bed early. Fireworks are pretty fucking gay unless you don't light them off. A chance to blow off my own arm or the arm of a loved one? Where the hell do I sign up? A chance to watch a choreographed display where there is almost no chance for bodily harm that I have absolutely no part in? Yeah, um, fuck that.

After you turn 21, birthdays are fucking gay. There is absolutely nothing special about them. At 25, I think, I can not be charged extra by a rental car company. On my 35th birthday, I can run for president. Gay. What the fuck am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? What am I supposed to look forward to?

What used to be my favorite week or so of the year was just another week. No different than the one before it or the one after it. Growing up blows. Oh, and the state of Washington is kind of gay. That should be the motto.

Labels: happy birthday to me, i keep a list of the people that don't wish me a happy birthday, not really but if you didn't you're an asshole, sandbagging

Tonight is the last night of the NBA season. There's absolutely no way that the Lakers are coming back. It's not even halfway through the 3rd quarter and I'm writing them off. Thank you Lakers, for absolutely nothing. You fucks. Here's an invitation for all Boston sports fans:
Die.

Some of use have to suffer with their teams. Oh, but you fuck-tasters get to celebrate a championship roughly every year. Go fuck a lava rock.

The real tragedy here is that the only sport going on until football starts is baseball. The worst of the three major sports. That's my opinion, but in case you haven't noticed on this here blog, my opinion is the only one that matters. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

Oh yeah. This:
I haven't forgotten about you, drinking.

Labels: $11 for a case of busch light = hell yes, beer: it'll cure what ails you, my team is losing to the fucking mariners right now, son of a bitch

Tonight, a Friday night, I dined on a Totino's pizza and am drinking a selection of delectable beverages. I stopped at the gas station on the corner of my block before I came home from work today. I bought a 24 oz. alcoholic energy drink with 10% ABV. I also bought an 18-pack of 16 oz. Busch Light. Classy.

The energy drink was about $2 and the teener was about $11 (I'm ignoring the taxes since I'm not used to them and they're gay). My total was $14 something. I'm assuming that I don't finish the 18 pack tonight so there's a chance I can get completely hammered two nights in a row for under $15. How's that for a deal?

I'll tell you. It's fucking great. So far, I'm enjoying this state.

If you don't mind I'd like to take an excerpt from one of my favorite bands. The band is Alice in Chains and the song is Queen of the Rodeo. It goes a little something like this:

I drink too much, I smoke too much
I'm a human waste
I buy a lot of cheap alcohol
But I'll tell ya honey, I really hate the taste

That's not entirely true. I don't smoke often and I don't really hate the taste.

Labels: cheap booze, enjoying life, underachieving